So I Guess It Is All true

All the things that were said to me as a child.

You will have nothing, no good children, no good life, no good husband, and no nice house. I was told I would have nothing. I guess it is all true. I was told I was useless and unworthy of nice things and a nice life and love. I guess it was all true. I was told I would never be an artist. I was told to forget all that silliness. I was not good enough. I was told no one would ever love me, I was not worthy of love. I was told you will never be able to cook. That I was too stupid to do anything and would never be able to have the things in life I wanted. Because I wanted too much. I was told to stop lying when I said Jimmy was touching me. I was told that I would burn in hell for saying such things. I was told children should be seen not heard. I just hope Jimmy will pay for what he has done. I was told, on her dying day. I always hated you! I asked why? She said you took my husband from me. I did not understand. I did no such thing! He was my daddy, he loved me what was wrong with that. He never hurt me! He never did anything bad. He never hurt her. He was always there for her and always stood up for her. She still hated me! No mother should ever say those words to there daughter, adopted or not. I was beaten and emotions squashed. I was told to just get over it. I deserved it. I never understood why. I try to be nice to everyone no matter what they say or do. I don’t understand why I deserve such hatred. What did I do? I don’t know. Now she is gone and the pain lingers on. What can I do to forget all she had done? How do I forgive her? I can not tell her how much it hurt to hear all those things and so many more. I just want the pain to stop!
All I ever wanted was to be loved! All I ever wanted was to be accepted for who I am and not what others wanted me to be. I just want to be me. I just want to be loved. I just want the hurt to stop.
I did not ask for this pain. I do not think I have done anything to deserve it. I just wish for a nice life without hatred and pain. I just want the people who are causing this to stop. I just want it to stop.
I wish my husband would love me enough to make it stop. He is the only one that can now. For it is his family causing all the pain! As he is just as guilty as they are. He has never stood up for me. His family hates me and treats me very bad. He just ignores it all. As I cry from the pain. He has no idea how it feels. I don’t think he ever will. I just wish he would try. I just wish he would tell them to stop treating me so bad. They don’t have to love me, just treat me with respect, the same respect they expect from me. I just wish it would stop. I wish he loved me enough to make them stop. I wish he had the never to stand up for me. I wish he was not so intimidated by them. I wish he would do what is right and make them stop. I just wish he loved me enough. I used to try to like them. I used to try to be nice. Now I just stay away. The hurt is too much. I want to spend the holidays with him and his family. I just can’t. It hurts too much! I don’t want to cause pain for others. I don’t understand those who do. I just wish I was not hated so much! I just want to cry. I do not deserve this no matter what they say. I did nothing to cause them pain. So why do they do this? No one tells them to stop. No one tells them to be nice. I am expected to take it. I am supposed to be ok with it. I don’t know how. It hurts too much! No one deserves to be treated this way. No one should be expected to break the law because of someone else and there behavior. No one should ever say don’t tell your wife you work here, and she can know nothing of your job. It is not like he works for the government. Instead he works for his family the same people who hate me. They hate me so much they will do anything to hurt me. Including hurting him to get to me. I just don’t understand! I just wish they would stop. I wish my husband could stand up for himself and our life together, but he won't. He seem too scared of there rejection. If he would only stand up to them he might get more respect. I wish he thought enough of our life together to make them stop. I wish I was as important to him as they are. I wish he would just grow a pair, and tell them to back off.
I just want to be happy for a while. I just want to be loved enough to make the pain stop. I hope that’s not too much to ask. Is it though? Do I deserve the pain and hatred? I don’t know. I just want it to stop! It is so hard to go on this way. I wish the pain away.



The hated one